Update 070122

Hello my Zebras and Spoonies! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today, I’m glad that you are here. Today I’m going to be giving an update on how things are going in my life.

Things have been stressful for me lately. There have been several emotionally heavy things that came all at once. There was the whole Roe vs Wade bull shit that has brought a whole host of emotions. This week was also my Gram’s birthday. I didn’t have the spoons to do a celebration of her birthday this year, but I was still thinking about her and missing her a lot. It is still hard for me to believe that she is gone. A part of my brain is still thinking that I can just drive over and have a fish dinner with her. Grief never really leaves you. It gets easier to handle, but it never goes away. I’ve reached the point in that I can talk about her without crying and that seems like healing.

I am getting close to the end of my current contract. Only 2 weeks left. That means that I am in the process of working out the next contract. That is always a stressful process. It has been more so this time around because the contract rates have been going down. That is going to make it harder for us to reach our goal of paying off the debt. Feels like there is always some shit coming up and getting in the way of that happening. I worry about having the debt because I don’t know how long I will be able to work. It makes things more difficult.

We are looking at moving to New Zealand. We are not happy with the things that have been happening in America and feel that it is a good time to find another country to live in before things get worse. So, I am looking into getting an International Travel Nursing Contract. It will make things easier to have an agency helping us find a position, get the paper work in order and organizing the move over there. The contracts are for 1 or 2 years which is plenty of time for us to decide if that’s the country we want to stay in. It’s a complex process, especially now with the covid travel restrictions limiting things further.

All of this means that I am going through way more spoons then I usually do and that has been leaving me feeling super tired and used up. Because I don’t have the choice to work less when life gets more stressful. I just have to do my best to cope with the stress and hope that I don’t have any flares. So far, things have been staying stable and nothing is flaring, but I can’t maintain things like this forever. The longer the high stress levels last, the more likely I will have things flare. I feel like I’m balancing dominos.

In anticipation of moving, I will need to pare down my belongings. We have a lot of stuff and much of it can be left behind. So, we need to start the process of sorting through our belongings and deciding what we are discarding and what we are keeping. That process is always stressful for me. My next contract is likely to take me out of the state because the money is better in other states, which means that I will not be able to work on this while I am on my next contract. So there is some pressure to start working on this and get a chunk of it done while I am still close to home base. But there are only 2 weeks left of this contract. Hopefully, I won’t have much of an employment gap between contracts. That doesn’t give me much time to work on this.

On the other hand, it is likely that the paper work for going to another country will take a good deal of time. Several months, at least. But, it is really hard to say where I will physically be at when things line up. It is also possible that they will not accept my application for a work visa and that we will not be allowed to go. There is a high need for nurses every where, so the odds are in my favor, but there is always the possibility that we will spend the time and the money only for them to deny our request for travel. That would suck. Paring down our belongings would be a benefit to us even if we didn’t get an International Contract. But it’s stressful to think about all of it.

Sometimes, when things get to feeling this stressful, I find it difficult to motivate myself to do anything at all. It can become overwhelming and that results in me shutting down. Which is not helpful. It often only makes the problem worse, yet there is nothing I can do about it. Because of this, it is extra important that I spend time resting and allowing myself to recharge. This means that I may not be spending as much time working on my online projects while I am trying to get all these things sorted out. My goal is to continue with regular posting, but that has already become more difficult. Please, be patient with me if I become irregular in my posting.

My medical management is also at a stand still. I was not able to get the time off from work that I needed to have the exploratory laparoscopic procedure done. So, my pelvic pain continues to worsen and I am still not sure that I have the correct diagnosis. I have no idea when I will be able to make that happen as there are so many complex factors in play now. Just going to another state for work is going to make managing my chronic illness more complicated. But I don’t have any really good choices here. If I stay working in this state, I won’t earn enough money to make progress on our debt and that is becoming more important then ever.

Everything is up in the air for right now and I am going to do my best to keep my medical status stable during this time of uncertainty. That’s the primary goal. Hopefully, we will be able to sort things out and find our way through this. I am confident that we will because our little family has always done so in the past. We are resilient problem solvers. Just going to take some time to get things figured out. Just hoping that the world gives us the time that we need.

Well, that’s about it for my rambling today. Thanks for coming and spending some time with me. If you like what you read, click on that like button. It really does help! Until we talk again, you take care of yourselves!

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