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This diagnosis
describing a part of me
a bit of my fundamental self
not a thing separate from who I am

I am a Zebra and I am a Wife.
I am autistic and I am a sister.
All these: pieces of me.

Do not caution me against this.
Don’t tell me I cannot hug myself.

I carry these flags,
and I summon up my tribe.
These are my people:
here is the Dazzle and the Spoonies.

We are not broken.
We are not less than.
We may be different,
but where’s the crime?

Let’s celebrate all the colors
and light up this dreary world.
Let’s celebrate all humanity
and share in all the wonder.

I am different.
And so are you.

Do not reduce me
so you can better understand
Do not stuff me down
so you can better tolerate

Accept all that I am

All the strengths
and all the weaknesses.

Recognize all I offer.

Not only my failings
but all my achievements.

Give me permission
and let me be human.

Feel Better?

Hello my Zebras and Spoonies! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today, I’m glad that you are here. Today is going to be a bit of a ranting day. It’s on the topic of mental health and the strange platitudes that people without mental illness give us. There are many that make sense to me and I understand why they say them, but there are many that have never made sense to me.

Alright, so I was reading around on the blogs that I follow and I came across something that really resonated with me on BlahPolar Diaries. So, here’s what was said:

And my shrink said, “don’t you feel better now that you know it wasn’t you, it was the disorder?” I don’t. Not even slightly.

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Free Agency

The universe is infinite in both size and time. When compared to this incomprehensible immensity, we are beyond insignificant. It is rather like being a single cell within a human body. An essential working component to the whole, but inconceivably too small to ever be considered by that greater whole. So, whether or not the universe holds a consciousness has never seemed a relevant question to me. That is like asking if a human is paying attention to the individual cells making up their body. If the universe has a consciousness, it is unlikely that it would ever spend time in consideration of a single human individual given the context of the vastness of the universe as a whole. Especially when one considers the very real possibility of the multiverse.

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I’m Never Too Old for Anything!

I don’t think that you can ever get too old for anything! Once you decide you’re too old, you’re giving up and letting the joys of life slip away. I still wear goofy socks and silly hats. I dye my hair crazy colors and collect stuffed pigs. I still sleep with mamma pig and pretend that the piggies can talk 🙂 What’s the point in living if you are willing to give up the little things in life that make us smile, remember the good times or simply make us feel silly? These are the things that matter the most in life. Don’t let your heart get too old.

No-Thing-ness

Being somebody or something is very important in our culture, some times to the point of being all consuming. It is a major paradigm. A person’s worth in society is determined by what they have accomplished. While there is value and joy that comes from accomplishment, I want to suggest a different paradigm for living. I advocate that we start out with the acknowledgement that at our core, we are no-thing. As Satre stated, “Existence precedes essence.” What this means is that the central focus of our lives is our existence. That as human beings, we exist. Everything else derives from this fact. Thus ultimately at my core, I am all process, I am a stream of consciousness, I am not a thing. From this place of no-thing-ness, I discover and define my unique existential identity. What is powerful about this paradigm is that I am the subject of my life. The internal, essential self is all that exists and thus is all that matters.

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