Grieving the Self

Hello fellow zebras and spoonies. It’s time for another talk about grief. Yup, I talk about this topic a lot. Why is that? Well, because grief is a fundamental part of the human condition and it is something that we aren’t very good at dealing with. I believe that by having better conversations about our suffering and grief, we can become better at coping and gain resilience.

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I am floating out here.
I cannot hold on this for ever.  
There is this place inside of me
that I cannot take you.
A place that I cannot take anyone.
If you came here,
you would never come back to me.
So, let me go.
Let me go.
I have to move onto the next place
that I have never been
and maybe when I get there
I will find that something
that I have always been looking for.
Right now I feel like I am adrift
and that there is nothing to hold onto.
Without work, I am nothing.
I have nothing to do with these hands.
There is no one that needs me,
but I need them.
So, what now?
There is nothing to hold onto,
but you hold onto me.
Let me go.
Who knows?
There might be that something
that I am looking for in that place over there;
in that place that I have never been.
Let me go so that I can keep looking.
Looking for that something that I have never been.
So, maybe; just maybe
I can become something more then I am.

Grief

Grief is a strange thing. It comes at you when you least expect it. You think that you’re ok until you’re suddenly not. As awkward and uncomfortable as these moments can be, they are completely normal and ok. It’s not a sign that you’re unraveling. 

I had to remind myself of that today. I as grocery shopping and there was this little teapot flower pot with a small red flower planted in it. When I saw it I thought to myself that I should buy that for my Grandmother because she would love it. Then reality caught up with me and I was struck with the grief of her death. So, there I was in the grocery store, holding this little pot and crying. 

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