The Dichotomy of My Mind

Hello my Zebras and Spoonies! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today, I’m glad that you are here. Today, I am going to talk about my brain and the strange dichotomy that lives there.

In a way, I am comfortable with the weirdness with in myself. I feel that I know it and have worn it like a familiar, well broken in pair of boots. But I have always struggled to talk about it in a meaningful way. It is difficult to talk about it in a manner that makes sense to other people. I usually just leave people giving me that vague, quizzical look. Or the one that suggests I have grown another head which happens to be of an alien variety.

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My Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Hello my Zebras and Spoonies! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today. I’m glad that you are here. Today I am going to be talking about my experiences with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors or BFRB as another installment in the “My Diagnosis” Series. This post comes with a warning: there are some photos included that show injuries from BFRB. Please, don’t proceed with the post if this kind of photo will trigger you.

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War of Rodents…

Let me start by introducing you to my beaver.

No, not that beaver. Pervert. This beaver lives in my head and his name is OCD. Yeah, as in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There is a lot that people don’t tend to know about beavers. Most know that they are hard working and forever active on “making things work.” But most don’t know that they also have issues with running water. That’s right. When a beaver hears running water, it is compelled to build a dam. The water must not flow. Period. Running water is bad. Why? Because the beaver’s brain says so. That’s right, beavers have OCD. And I have an OCD beaver in my head.

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No Reason

I find it frustrating when people expect there to be a rational reason behind my compulsions. If it was rational it wouldn’t be OCD. I do it because my brain says so. And I pick my battles. If it isn’t something that gets in the way, I let it be. It doesn’t matter that I tap light switches or turn spoons down or change my socks several times a day or check the clock a hundred times a day (yes, literally). These things don’t impair my day to day function. So, I let them be. There is no point investing energy in fighting these compulsions when they cause no harm and don’t get in the way of anything.

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What OCD Looks Like…

Over brushing your teeth can cause a lot of damage. This is part of the problem I have with my teeth. Before I knew I had OCD, I would carry my tooth brush with me and brush my teeth 10 or 12 times a day. It was a difficult habit to change. When people think about OCD, they don’t tend to think of brushing teeth. But I was obsessed with having smooth teeth. I would brush whenever I lost that smooth feel on my teeth. Because of that, I have sensitive teeth, receded gums and thin enamel. All too often, the compulsive behaviors are harmful.