Hello Dazzle! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today, I’m glad that you are here. Today I want to talk about the misconception that kindness means being a door mat. It doesn’t. Kindness is having human regard. That doesn’t mean that you’re always giving to others or always saying yes when asked. In fact, kindness requires you to have human regard for yourself and that often requires you to say no. But for some reason there is this myth that nice people have to be people pleasers.
Being kind is never about being a people pleaser.
There is no way that you will ever be capable of making everyone around you happy. There is no way to know what it is that another person will want from you every time that you interact with them. And there is no controlling another person’s responses to your actions. You never have any power over another person’s happiness. We have very limited control over our own happiness. This is because happiness is an emotion. It’s not like buying an object that you then get to own and keep for the rest of your life. Emotions are fleeting and shifting things that will always be changing. This means that there is no way for any of us to hold onto happiness. It is like the tide: it comes and it goes.
The spirit of kindness requires that you are kind to yourself. This precludes the option of being a people pleaser. There will always be times that you are not feeling well or just have other things to do when someone asks you to do something for you. Saying no to other people’s requests is parting of being kind to yourself. And being kind to yourself is central to maintaining your ability to be kind to others. This means that having boundaries and personal regard is required for being a nice person over the long term.
So, if kindness isn’t always saying yes, what is it? Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. This means that you’re careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others. Friendliness is simply having a willingness to engage with other people. It’s saying hello and smiling at others. It’s listening when someone what’s to tell you about their day. Being generous is giving things to others when you have more then you need. None of this means that you will always do things that others want you to do.
Kindness never requires a person to accept others being abusive. When others are yelling or name calling, you can respond with kindness by assuming that this behavior comes from a place of hurt or frustration that is being poorly handled. You can ask them not speak to you that way. There is the option of walking away if they continue their behavior. There is also the option of getting another person to help you manage the situation. Sometimes just having a witness or another person for support can go a long way to helping with the situation. None of these approaches are accepting the behavior, but none of them are being unkind either.
Be kind to everyone, including yourself.
Well, that’s about it for my rambling today. Thanks for coming and spending some time with me. If you like my rambling then click on that like button. It really does help! Until we talk again, you take care of yourselves!
Zebra Pig 
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