Hello my Zebras and Spoonies! Thank you for coming and hanging out with me today. I am glad that you are here.
Today I want to revisit the topic of how I cope with my chronic illness. I made a previous post about this that focused on the philosophy that I use when thinking about my chronic illness that allows me to better manage the challenges I face. You can read that here:
Continue reading “Coping Skills: Part One”I am not the person you see
as I am living here behind my mask.
You have taught me
that be who I am isn’t safe.
You taught me this with your words,
with the way you’ve shunned me.
You taught me this when you laughed
and made fun of me for being different.
The teacher lied to me,
when she said that words could never hurt me.
Sticks and stones break my bones
and the words cut something deeper.
When you told me, I wasn’t good enough, I believed you.
When you told me, I was lazy, I believed you.
These words you gave me,
became part of who I am.
What is said, is done.
You can never take them back.
And now I live here, behind my mask.
This thing, that you call me,
doesn’t change who I am,
yet it defines me,
This name, this diagnosis,
that you gave me.
The name didn’t make me this way,
yet it shapes everything around me.
The stigma for this label,
marking every social interaction
and limiting the choices I can make.
The thing about fear is that it is a double edged sword. People forget that it is an important and useful emotion that keeps us from jumping from a cliff or putting our hands in the fire. Fear reminds us that we are mortal and that we need to have both caution and reserve in life. But if we listen to nothing but our fear we will become trapped within it an fail to do anything in life. Most of our fears are reasonable and healthy; like being afraid of falling. But some are nothing more then traps. It is important to know which fears to listen to. Let’s talk about why we have some of them and what to do about it.
Continue reading “The Power of Fear”Hello, my zebras in spoonies thanks for coming. I’m glad that you’re here. So I’ve been talking about boundaries a lot over my last couple posts and this is also going to be about boundaries. Specifically, I want to talk about medical boundaries, this comes up a lot for those of us who have chronic illness.
Continue reading “Medical Boundaries”Hello, my zebras and spoonies! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today. I’m glad that you’re here. So today, let’s talk about boundaries and relationships some more.
The first thing is that it’s absolutely essential to understand is that love equals respect. Doesn’t matter what type of relationship that we’re talking about, if it’s going to be a good, healthy relationship, it is going to be one that is founded upon and centers around, mutual respect. That means that both people’s needs matter equally, and that both parties are going to work for both people’s needs to be met at all times. And that doesn’t mean that there’s going to be times that one person has bigger needs than the other, and that there’s going to be times where one has bigger support needs than the other and that that dynamic doesn’t shift back and forth but that the overall arc is going to be that both people’s needs are being met, equally. It really comes down to respect and respect is really about boundaries and having boundaries in relationships.
Continue reading “Types of Boundaries”Hello my zebras and spoonies thank you for coming and hanging out with me. I’m really glad that you’re here today. I’m going to be talking about boundaries. It’s something that I talk about a lot because I think that it’s super important. So, what are boundaries? Let’s start at the basics. Setting boundaries is about listening to yourself and your inner voice, and drawing social lines where you are made uncomfortable. So everyone’s boundaries are different, and that’s really super important because that necessitates that we as mature, responsible adults need to communicate with each other about where our boundaries are. We can never assume that other people know what our boundaries are or that we know what other people’s boundaries are because everyone is different, and their comfort zones are different. We all have things that could trigger past traumas or trigger sensory issues or whatever. We all have different things that make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe in our lives, and those are the areas in our social interactions that we need to draw boundaries. So setting boundaries is an act of self respect and an act of self preservation. It is the most essential act of self care. When someone does something to you that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. It comes with a mental health cost. It uses spoons that are so very essential in our lives and we can’t afford to be wasting spoons on stupid stuff that we just shouldn’t be wasting them on; so boundaries can help us with this by just saying to someone, hey this is my boundary. And then, holding them to that.
Continue reading “Boundaries”Today, I want to talk about somethings that you can do to help keep a relationship going despite being stressed by one or both partners having a chronic illness. A lot of this advice is just how I personally think good relationships work, regardless if there is chronic illness involved or not.
Continue reading “Making Relationships Work”One things about the internet, is that it creates an illusionary world that is easy to believe in. It tells us about all the amazing adventures, great times and tons of friends that other people are having while we are failing to achieve the same. There is a very real risk of comparing ourselves to these illusions and believing that we are some how falling short or failing in life.
Continue reading “Friendship Illusions”In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII: 17
BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON
I envy not in any moods
The captive void of noble rage,
The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods:
Zebra Pig 