Seeking Change?

Hello Dazzle! Thanks for coming and hanging out with me today, I’m glad that you are here. A question that I am frequently asked is: “Would you want to change the way you are?” And this is a complicated question. When people ask me this, they think that it has a simple answer. They think that it can be answered with a “yes” or a “no”. But it really doesn’t have that simple of an answer.

If I have to give that simple answer, it would be: “yes.” I am no different then any other human that has ever existed. Every human being looks around them and imagines themselves and the world as being something different then it is. This is a part of the way that we are made. Body modification has been a part of human history for as long as we have had human history. It is a part of every known culture. It is a part of being human. I am no different.

Desiring to change our bodies is normal. Those with curly hair use straightening products while those with straight hair get perms. Humans get tattoos and body piercings. There are those who where rings to lengthen their necks while others use a corset to slim their waist. Humans have been cutting into themselves and reshaping themselves for as long as we have been human. The manner in wanting modification varies from person to person and is influenced by culture and religion. Yet, we all do things to change the way we look. Even if it is as simple as applying make up or changing our clothing.

Having a chronic illness and/or disability doesn’t change the fact that we are still human. This means, that like every other human on the planet, we are going to imagine what it is like to be something other then what we are. To some degree or another we will make an effort to change our physical appearance to reflect the inner self. We will imagine or recall what it is like to be a person that is able bodied or neurotypical. And we will don attire that mimics that imaged self. After all, who doesn’t want to be part of the cool kids club? Who doesn’t want to live a life that is not limited by the environment that they live in and where people don’t look down upon them?

I am not immune. Like every other human, I also imagine being something I’m not. I can recall a time of having a body that was able to survive without medication. There was a time in my life that the pain was low enough to fall away to the background when I was excited or immersed in the moment. Sometimes, I look back at those times and long for the body that I once had. I image what being a neurotypical is like. There are even times that I image what it would be like to have a body that matched the gender of my brain.

Yet, if I was presented with a wish from a genie that billowed out of a magical lamp, I would not take it. Why not? Because change is a funny thing. It is easy to imagine a world that is full of magic and wonder, but in this world there is always a balanced scale. That means that no matter what that genie could turn me into there would be both joy and sadness along with pain and pleasure. This dichotomy is the nature of human existence. Becoming something else means risking loosing the things that gives that this version of me happiness. There was a great deal that I gave up to become who I am now. Looking back over the years and the things left behind, I am content with the choices that I have made.

Well, that’s about it for my rambling today. Thanks for coming and spending some time with me. If you like what you read, click on that like button. It really does help! Until we talk again, you take care of yourselves!